I’ve heard a lot of talk that we Christians should not feel lonely.
Churches offer services and fellowship groups. We are told to cure loneliness in ourselves by reaching out to the less fortunate. The electronic media explosion supposedly helps to keep us connected. We are reminded (and may often remind ourselves) that God has promised to never leave or forsake us, His children.
And yet there are days, that though we walk in right relationships, though we enter into opportunities for fellowship, though we reach out to the less fortunate, and most importantly, though we walk in conscious relationship with God, listening for and to Him; we remain lonely.
And, at the close of those days, when others are in their houses with their spouses, children or friends, we feel left “outside”. We cry out to God: “I‘ve done all I can do, but I am lonely”.
Tonight I am in that place.
But tonight, I am not condemning myself for being lonely. I have not isolated myself today. I have chosen to be around others who love me; I have chosen to love on the lonely; I have chosen to respect those who need their space; I have chosen to walk in the consciousness of God’s presence. And having done all that; I am lonely.
It will be hours before there is a new day and I see anyone or hear anyone’s voice. And, as a single man I feel little assurance that my heart will be heard or that my skin will be touched even after the physical night ends.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? Perhaps – or perhaps I am one of the brave few who has the courage to face what is no doubt true for all; there are times, despite everything, that we are lonely.
It is in these times, that God whispers what seems to be the most unfair question at the most unfair time: “Am I still good?”
And though my body may wish to rage and scream out in frustration and opposition, my heart slowly breaks and my spirit bows and responds with a soft “yes Father, You are good…” And I continue to hold on to God’s promises. And because I know that His promises are true, I have the courage to continue honestly “….and yet, Father, I am lonely”.
And sometimes His response, if any, is simply “Thank you, child, I know”.
And sometimes that is enough.
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