I’m frustrated trying to figure out how to implement the words: “You need to forgive yourself” into my life. Although I’ve challenged others with their need to forgive themselves, I find that I’m clueless when it comes to forgiving myself.
My memories serve up many reasons as to why I need to forgive myself: choices made (or not made), things done (or that should have done and weren’t), and on, and on, and on.
I also experience the false guilt that is especially common for abuse and trauma victims. No matter how many times the words “that wasn’t your fault” are spoken, those memories still stir shame. Does forgiving myself relieve me of false guilt? And again, exactly how do I forgive me?
Whether or not I actually ever forgive myself is not the most important point. What is vital is accepting that because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I am fully forgiven by God. (Steve Arterburn, New Life Live Radio, paraphrased)
What matters the most; becoming proficient at forgiving myself, or accepting that Jesus has completely forgiven me? The answer is obvious. Forgiving myself is worthless if I don’t accept and live in the reality of Jesus’ forgiveness.
I’m changing forgiving myself from being yet another responsibility of “doing” something, to being an opportunity to “receive”. And how do I receive forgiveness towards myself? Through frequent reminders that I’m already fully forgiven because of Jesus’ payment for my sin.
Deliberately reminding myself of His work on the cross is also helping me to heal from abuse’s aftermath of shame, hurt, anger, betrayal, fear, and despair.
“Father, thank You that Jesus died for what I’ve done, so that I am fully forgiven by You in this very moment. Thank You Jesus that You rose again so that I can live in freedom and heal from all I’ve done, and from all that has been done to me.”
This is not merely the “power of positive thinking”, nor is this a magic formula ensuring instant relief from feelings of guilt. Rather, this is an act of faith retraining my mind; allowing me to live from the core identity of forgiven, even as I continue to work through specific memories that have fed guilt and shame. Applying Christ’s forgiveness to my guilt and shame is producing the fruit of self-forgiveness that I’ve never been able to achieve through my own efforts. Receiving His forgiveness is how I forgive myself.
I’m living more freely as a forgiven man as my attacks of guilt and shame are transformed into altars of worship and praise for God’s forgiveness.
Forgiving ourselves… what a tough place to be in! Satan loves to use our remorse to make us question our very salvation. Just recently, several verses have really helped me in my battle with self- condemnation and guilt .
1 John 3:20- If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.
2 Cor.7:9b-10 -I rejoice, not that you were upset but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from Him. The result was all gain, not loss. Distress that leads us to God does that- it turns us around.It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, and end up on a deathbed of regrets.
An example of each:- the forgiven, sinful woman who so loved Jesus that her tears washed His feet and she dried them with her hair,( Luke7) and Judas- who confessed he betrayed an innocent man, was filled with remorse, then committed suicide.
True repentance and true brokenness lead to life, to loving the Lord more; self- hatred and condemnation lead to death.
And of course, Romans 8:1 is a powerful place to rest: -Therefore there is now no condemnation of those who are in Christ Jesus.
I for one, am very prone to forget that His grace is enough. But I am endlessly grateful-and humbled by the fact that He understood this weakness enough to place His very words before me!
Cathy, that is so well put! Your closing sentence “… He understood this weakness enough to place His very words before me.” is so true. He provides the Word we need, when and where we need it.
I recently heard that R. A. Torrey described Romans 8: 1 as a “soft pillow for a tired heart.”
Your contrast of the woman washing Jesus’s feet with Judas’ response to his betrayal reminds me again of how amazing that God gives us the grace to chose to turn to Him for forgiveness.
Thank you for keeping me thinking this morning!