Nighttime. Darkness. The persistent creep of anxiety.

My house empty. Alone, I get in my car to drive.

To escape.

Stop at the local restaurant? I’m not really hungry. Drive through the state park? Night’s darkness makes those roads intimidating.

I head towards town, lights, people. The bright $1.39 sign above the Marathon station diverts me. After filling the gas tank and buying myself a cup of dark roast coffee, (which I do NOT need mixing with my anxiety) I start the drive home.

Still anxious. Still empty. Still alone.

Big Daddy Weave’s “Overwhelmed” begins playing over the radio. Familiar with the song, I am only half listening.

Until a phrase catches my ear as if I’d never heard it before,

“…Forever You’ll be my God”

Those few words challenge the root of my anxiety; fears about what I have lost in the past, or may lose in the future, or imagine myself losing right now. 

Against anxiety’s invasion, truth begins to stand.

The friendships and relationships I enjoy today will not last forever.
My health and strength will decline sooner or later.
(Even my amazing good looks will eventually fade 😉 )
My gifts and abilities may fail at the most inopportune times.
The possessions I enjoy are very temporary.
There are longings in my heart that may not be met.
There were innocent parts that were taken away before they could be embraced.

But… 

I have Someone who is forever.

Forever,

Forever…

Forever You’ll be my God!!!

I’m back home. My house is still empty.

But the night is not as dark. Anxiety not as strong.

I am not alone.

“God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You”

(Big Daddy Weave lyrics)