I’m enjoying a rare forenoon alone in my home. It happens to be a beautiful sunny, Sunday morning. My kitchen and living room both have eastern windows; the sunshine is making these rooms unusually bright for a December morning.
That light is revealing some things I’d rather not see!
Footprints needing polished from hardwood floors. Dust and cobwebs flirting with surfaces and corners that appeared clean as long as they hid in the shadows. The walls themselves, painted not so terribly long ago, showing discoloration and smudges in the clean light.
In a few hours the earth will have continued its rotation and the sun will no longer flood these rooms with its revealing light. The rooms will be darker, and ironically appear cleaner.
Worship revealed a dark memory.
At the close of last night’s Worship Service we had a time of quiet prayer. It was my opportunity to confess God’s sovereignty over a personal area in my life. And that’s when I had an apparent flashback, a fleeting memory of something done to me long ago. Instantly I felt disgusted for having such a thought during a “holy” time. But just as quickly I realized that maybe a previously hidden piece of my story was coming out of the shadows, and needed to be handled with respect in the light of God’s presence.
God helping me to accept the validity of the flashback allowed me to invite Him into that place I’d just seen. As we sang the closing song with its powerful lyrics of praise and worship, I knew I was safe to relax in being fully seen before God, even while knowing that He also saw that dark place revealed by the flashback. In the hours since, rather than feeling distressed by my memory, I have reassurance that God is continuing to uncover and heal my wounds. And I am reminded that my selfish attempts to fix myself are also wrong in God’s sight, and just as in need of His transforming power.
The power of sin is broken
Jesus overcame it all
He has won our freedom
Jesus has won it all
Hallelujah You have won the victory
Hallelujah, You have won it all for me
Death could not hold You down
You are the risen King
Seated in majesty
You are the risen King
Does worship ever reveal what you’d rather not see?
We shouldn’t be dismayed when hidden things surface during worship. To draw near to Jesus is to worship the One who is the great Light of God; able to reveal and heal our darkest places of shame and despair because of His own sinless life, death and resurrection. As the prophet Isaiah wrote:
The people walking / living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. (Isaiah 9:2, Matthew 3:16)
What is our call to action when God’s Light uncovers what we’ve neglected to see?
Do your times of worshiping God ever uncover hurts held tightly; emotions of anger or un-forgiveness; sins of giving in to temptations and resisting the Holy Spirit’s conviction? When that happens, let’s not deny what the Light of worship exposes. Let’s also not allow shame from what we see to cause us to retreat from encountering the One we worship. It’s God’s act of love to reveal what has remained hidden in our shadow places, so that His grace can clean the previously dark corners. It’s our act of worship to welcome His Light.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139: 23,24)
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“In a few hours the earth will have continued its rotation and the sun will no longer flood these rooms with its revealing light. The rooms will be darker, and ironically appear cleaner.”
Our living room lamps have pleated shades. One of them had gotten really dusty, but I could only see it when the light hit it a certain way. The problem was that I wouldn’t take care of it RIGHT THEN. So days would go by before I saw it again. It took me WEEKS to actually get the vacuum cleaner and clean it off. But I felt such relief when I finally got rid of the dirt.
This makes me realize that we have a choice. When things are brought into the light, we can choose to deal with them right then (when they’re easily seen), or we can wait. If we wait, those things plunge back into darkness, making them less likely to be seen and dealt with. We go about our daily tasks, forgetting about the “dusting” that needs to be done.
Thanks for the reminder to let God do the housekeeping when things become visible.
Great illustration Jennifer. Thanks!
Thank you so much for sharing yourself so openly with us in this beautiful post.
For years I was that woman in the last pew in the sanctuary, tears streaming down her face. Worship was the one place where I couldn’t hide from the light, and that means that some Sundays I couldn’t even attend worship.
Now I find that even in moments when I am helping to lead worship, God shines his light on some of my darkest places. I have also had those flashback moments in church. It’s powerful, terrifying, healing, hurting – everything all wrapped up in one breathtaking moment. I feel like you’ve written my heart with your words.
Thank you again.
Amy
Worship has been some of my most painful times as well. But also the most healing. Thanks for sharing!
Mark